My ultra kiasu Mother In Law

Dear MIL,

Do NOT frown at me for carrying my orange (Feu) Hermes Evelyne bag. Nobody does orange like Hermes. That's their signature colour. If you don't know that, then don't pretend that you have any class just because you only carry your Coach bags in neutral colours. Neutral colours don't show that you have class or taste: it just means you really can't afford that bag you own & you're trying to make your $$$ stretch by buying it in a neutral so it matches everything. 

And YES I wear red sandals & red birkenstocks. You don't? You make that loudly known. You know I love red so much I'll wear it at your funeral, you bitch. 

Yours Sincerely, 

Your angmoh halfie DIL whose kids hate the sight of you. 

Luckily my husband's younger brother got some floozy makeup artist pregnant & had their shotgun wedding & shotgun baby, now the wench is pregnant again with twins. All boys. My kiasu MIL loves that. Good. Keeps her away from us. Life is good.