Dear White Expat Wife in Singapore,

Hi, Did you know I'm an "expat" just like you too? Just because I'm Asian and I look local, I don't get to be called an expat too? 

Some of you are really good friends of mine. Some of you are just friends whom I see at our kids' school, or our husbands work together, we live in the same building etc. 

Some of you who don't know me or know anyone who knows me just looks at me with utter vitriol. WHY IS THAT? 

Could it be because I look like I could be a Singaporean Tiger Mom when I'm bringing kids to their CCA or enrichment classes? You think I force my kids to memorize and play Beethoven on the piano perfectly? You think I send my kids to Kumon so they'll become booksmart paper-pusher Singaporeans who have zero street-smarts? I don't do any of the above, by the way- and if I did, it's none of your business. 

Could it be because you think I'm a Singaporean woman who treats their maid like trash? The type who doesn't allow their maids to eat enough food? The types who lock away their passports? The types who don't give their helper a key? The types who make their helper wait outside a restaurant while they eat inside? I don't do any of those appalling things to my helper, by the way- I pay her more than the average rate plus a bonus if she works on a Public Holiday or Sunday, otherwise Sundays and Public Holidays off. She also just cooks one meal a day (or none at all) & my kids  go to school & daycare. Picked up at lobby by schoolbus. I do all grocery shopping. She vacuums & cleans every other day. Better than local households, better than some expats too. None of your business either. 

Could it be because you think I like dressing in designer fashion, designer bags & shoes, you think I'm a spoilt trophy wife whose life must be so empty that I need to fill it up with material things. Make yourself feel better with that thought. I don't lead an empty existence, actually. I could be out there having a career. But I made a choice to be 100% there for my kids*. I DO have an MBA and Undergraduate degreeS. Note. The. Plural. I speak French, Japanese, Chinese, Malay & English. But that is none of your business.

Could it be that I like hitting the gym, pilates with a PT and bootcamp? I also keep up with hair appointments, so you think I'm a narcissistic Singaporean woman who cares way too much about my food & my weight? I actually want to get & stay healthy for my kids- important that they have a happy Mum. I won't apologize for wanting to be happy. And that's all the time I'm willing to spend away from my youngest child. And none of your business. 

Could it be because your White Expat husband has been looking around in Singapore and liking it when he sees young pretty Asian women? THAT'S IT- AND YOU'RE PROJECTING IT ON ALL ASIAN WOMEN. If I had a dollar everytime an expat white man left his wife for an exotic pretty young thing, I'd be rich by now. 

But I actually have do come from old money* that isn't dependent on a monthly salary like your expat white husband's. Not that my family is any of your business. 

If you ever bothered to talk to me before you thought of all these stereotypes for me, I'm just a girl who went to XYZ College in ABC and I still have my grotty old XYZ School Leavers jersey which I wore with my UGG boots when I went to DEFGHIJKLMNOP Uni. Used to spend many a Saturday night spewing my guts out on those UGG boots at the Uni Tavern too. You can keep your suit-wearing bogan. <---- Just for the Aussie ladies.

Everyone's so quick to put people into a box that fits their own interpretation of the world. This way, the world feels safer and makes sense to them & they feel better about themselves. And of course, this is a fallacy. 

*Please refer to facadetreatments.blogspot.com for background information.